Self Destructive Bee

Self in dictionary means “the set of someone’s characteristics, such as personality and ability, which are not physical and make that person different from other people” . Destructive in the same book means “causing, or wanting to cause, damage”. I think that’s the perfect example of me, when something great comes into my way I screw it all up, it’s either I hold on to it so tight that it will hurt me and I would just have to force myself to let go or held on to it so loosely as if I don’t care.
And I’m not just talking about love here it has something to do with work, family and even to myself. And I guess I owe more to myself, I know I can be a good friend, a daughter, a sister, a lover and a person but I just tend to screw it all up. Sometimes I even have dreams that I would be a totally different person all together or go to some remote island where nobody knows me. So I can just run away Ah! a girl can only dream.
And to be honest I really don’t know how everything started I used to be a good girl happy and simple and as I grow older I tend to be blinded by my own ambitions, I try to reach things that I really can’t reach.
I always tell myself I am a grown woman and I can make my own decisions in life but when everything else fails I go back to where I started “my mother” I hide behind her over and over again.
And it very embarrassing that a 27-year-old woman who is very much capable of doing taking care of herself is still running behind her mama’s back. 

With everything else that has happened to me over the course of 2 months it was terrible it was one blow after the other like a boxing match  and everyday its something new,  wherein  im a freaking feather weight and im against a heavy weight isn’t that a little odd? im at the point of giving up lets just say im on the edge and almost did something stupid. I was staring blankly at the bathroom tiles for 2 hours I was gonna do it but managed to gather up some little strength I have left not to do it, I realized it was not worth it at all I gotta keep fighting.

A couple of days past after the bathroom incident  I needed something to get me past this surprisingly a really good friend messaged me probably she can’t sleep or something but when she asked me how i was I automatically said im not okay and then I started talking about how I feel, the bathroom incident, the self destructiveness and this was her exact words “I believe you can, you’re a strong person and the fact that you stood there for 2 hours and didn’t do anything proves to me that i am right, I know you are a fighter and you wont go down without a battle.” “Right now you’re at the part of your story where the hero is on his knees dripping in blood and injuries you just need to gather the courage to get back up” ” Bee you don’t know this but you are really strong, you pass on your strength to others too at least I know you have to me” Then as I write this and still talk to her im crying and this time not just any other cry but a cry that is pure, runny nose the works tears over flowing… If I can pass my strength to others then I know I would have enough strength to get thru this. Hopefully it will al work out.

It’s a volleyball match I will still be the captain, straight sets, jumping high, digging deep and hitting hard.

Hopeless and Romantic

This afternoon I was reading a book called Chicken Soup for the Romantic Soul yep you read it right romantic soul!!!! As if there’s anything romantic going on with my life right now, lets say wishful thinking much? Anyway I came across a story called “Hand Made Valentines” it was a beautiful story about a married couple who doesn’t have enough money to buy each other a valentines gift, so they made each other one which was very sweet and OMG full of love.

 Then it made me think, I am a romantic by heart my signature is giving flowers any type of flower my gf or the current person im dating likes, I love giving them flowers and see their faces when they get it, how their faces would light up the whole room, how she would feel like she’s the most beautiful girl in the world cause she received one of the most beautiful thing nature has given us, priceless isn’t it? this is why I give flowers all the time.

Then lately I went overboard with it I was dating this girl who I really like and fell for, I wined and dined her, and believe me when they say chivalry is not dead boy did I make it alive then, it was too much I guess for a person to take. Then now as I read this story I thought why didn’t I just made it simple maybe if I did, it would have worked out. It worked out for me for 4 years when I was with the love of my life, it’s weird I guess you realize things when it’s over or when the person is gone. It also sucks to know she is in somebody else’s arms. But life goes on for me, lesson learned don’t overdo it even if its sweet or romantic just don’t overdo it, simple things are the one that counts, like a smile a message saying I miss u a simple note a passionate look those are just examples of things that are romantic yet simple and not to cheesy.

So lesson learned dont be hopless be romantic.

I’m picking you nose

I know it’s a quick follow-up on my intro blog or whatever that is. This afternoon I watched Oprah and the topic was texting while driving, they described how dangerous it was to do it and even cited an example on what the driver is seeing and not seeing while driving with or without texting and I totally agree with it, yes it can be dangerous but my question is this now what about the drivers who are picking their nose? I know you don’t get me so ill explain I now live in a country that does too much nose picking everywhere you turn in Dubai you see a driver who picks his nose I believe it’s just the same as texting no wonder and this is based on facts that most of the deaths here are cause but road accidents here are some of the facts

Men responsible for 92% of deaths.
Drivers from the age group 18 to 27 have been held responsible for 37% of deaths.
Last year’s death average was one every 28 hours.
Pakistani drivers were responsible for 25.6% of deaths, Indian drivers caused 20% followed closely by UAE nationals at 19%.
The number of accidents in 2006 was 243,386…an increase of 61% compared to 2005.
In these 312 people were killed while 1,812 were injured.
Fatal accidents at night made up 45 per cent of the total number of fatalities.
Private vehicles caused 1,164 accidents killing 167 people.
Heavy trucks were responsible for 128 accidents causing 32 deaths.
Light trucks were responsible for 133 accidents and 25 deaths.
Emirates Road continues to remain the most dangerous road, topping the list with 128 accidents in which 40 people were killed.
Sheikh Zayed Road stood second with 122 accidents although the death toll here increased to 45.
Al Khail Road followed closely with 34 accidents and nine deaths.
Dubai-Al Ain Road recorded 33 accidents and nine deaths.
Sheikh Rashid Road had 29 accidents and six deaths.
Al Ittihad Road had 24 accidents and seven deaths.

I’m not saying that all of the accidents are caused by nose picking but im 100% sure that this picking business is a big part of it, so I don’t know should I also make a petition to nose picking?  I know its funny but this is an epidemic.

Welcome to the world of the BEE

Welcome welcome to my world… it’s been awhile since I wrote on a blog or opened up a blog site so I just wish people will be somehow entertained. I’m not the best writer nor use words that are soooo deep you literally need a dictionary to understand what it is, I’m  just a simple with strong opinions about a lot of things whether is politics, a country pop culture, name it I have opinions in all of them. And sometimes it’s so funny that my opinion either gets me into the deepest shit ever or a stimulating conversation. So before I start ranting about some random things and since obviously the title of this blog is welcome to the world of the bee I’ll tell you what’s been happening in my crazy ass world.

Lately things have been crazy it’s a mix of sad and happy moment’s family troubles and good times with friends. “Sad moments” now this is tough family has been troubling me for the past 2 months and there are times when I just want to break down and runaway but I got to be tough as tough as I can be they are my life after all, second sad moment well I was dumped by a person I trusted with my heart sad but true the worst part is it is thru blackberry messenger and not even a phone call I understand that the technology is cool I’m also addicted to it but it’s just offending that I’m not even probably worth a dirham worth of call bummer, I’m not mad at the person though it is after all sometimes hard to talk to me you would not know if I would just scream or freak out or remain calm so that part I would probably understand but still a phone call would have been great. So there you go I’m trying and trying and trying to recover and put on my head up high. Now on to the good part I have a new job and my boss is hot and when I say hot it means she is hot it’s like everything that she would say I won’t hesitate to do I’m like a sick puppy but I guess it’s good since I’m trying everything to impress her which is good lol. second happy moment my friend recently had a birthday bash and it was the best party to date it was just so much fun… no drama no nothing I can’t believe how much fun I had and and I lasted for a long time until it ended which is good. Third happy moment someone gave me a funny shirt and a cinnabon the shirt I knew but the cinnabon is sooo random it made me blush it was just soooo sweet. Fourth happy moment I’m finally seeing someone for who they are I can’t believe I didn’t look at her direction before but at least I looked now and I’m looking forward to more happy times with my geek girl. As you can see it is a 4 on 2 this is why I’m still alive and kicking it anyway that’s it for my roller coaster life as of now sorry for boring that wits out of you and again welcome to my world.

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